Episode 10 - Shadow Work Doesn't Have to be Shitty
Are you ready to live a soul-led life on a daily basis? Shadow Work is essential, but it doesn’t have to suck.
Discover the keys to approach it with bravery, gentleness, and why this work goes best with sisterhood support.
This week we’ll dive into:
🌙 The importance of shadow work on the embodied, feminine path, emphasizing the need for willingness, bravery, and awareness.
🌙 The ways to approach shadow work, including regular practice, gentleness, taking it slowly, and focusing on one aspect at a time.
🌙 The value of doing shadow work in sisterhood, finding support in circles or communities, and the invitation to join the upcoming wisdom event for collective shadow work.
And if you’re looking for support on your shadow journey, make sure to join us
August 21st at 7PM Eastern | 4PM Pacific for our Live Wisdom Event:
Show Notes:
Hey sister, welcome to episode 10 of Rooted Feminine. I'm really excited that you're here this week, and I'm excited about our upcoming series on shadow work. I know it can be a little weird thinking about shadow work right in the middle of summer, which is our liberation season where we are celebrating the good and reaping the abundance of the seeds that we planted in spring. And while I absolutely believe in living in the season and soaking up the medicine of each unique season, there's something still about having that forethought and a forward look into what's coming next, right?
We feel this on a surface level where we're like, dang, I really want my cardigan. I really want my pumpkin spice latte. Those basic examples. But we feel this pull, that there's an unseen force, a mystery here that keeps the world turning, that keeps us on a forward path. So even though we see this in these superficial ways, this is a natural propensity, a human nature to be forward thinking. And what is coming next for us on the spiritual season is shadow season. So for that reason, I would love to invite you to join me for an upcoming wisdom event on Monday, August 21st.
It's gonna be at 7:00 PM Eastern, 4:00 PM Pacific. And if you cannot attend live, you are more than welcome to watch the replay. So still go ahead and grab your spot and register. We are going to be doing an event called Womb Work, three Energies to support you in your shadow work, even if you're new to the dark side. I'm really looking forward to it. We're going to be exploring the three best feminine archetypes to work with when you are doing shadow work. So you'll meet the archetypes, learn the wisdom they have to bring for you, and the medicine they have during your shadow work. We'll also weave in some embodiment practices and start working with these energies. I'm really looking forward to it. You can head on over to rootedfeminine.com/shadow to save your spot.
If you spend any time at all in the spiritual space, you're going to hear this term thrown around, called the dark night of the soul. Maybe you've had one or experienced one. I definitely don't experience these as single nights. I have seasons that feel like a major contraction or a dark month of the soul, dark six months of the soul, dark eclipse, season of the soul. But the way these are described is usually like one of the most terrible nights of your life. You're on the bathroom floor, ugly crying, snot pouring out of your nose, sobbing so hard your stomach hurts. This is how people talk about this experience. What tends to happen during a dark night of your soul is that you're coming face to face with everything terrible that's happened to you. You're starting to get insight into everything that's wrong, the patterns and behaviors that hurt people the way others have hurt you.
And this is described as the impetus for a spiritual awakening. Like you have to go through this dark night of the soul, this purging of all the bad, and that kickstarts your spiritual awakening. In my opinion, this sounds really kind of shitty and dramatic, coming from a licensed psychotherapist background. It sounds like a crisis event, like stuff has built up and then it just has to come out. And I don't believe this is the only approach to shadow work. I don't feel like this is the only way we can have this purging or transmutation.
That's what I want to talk about today. How shadow work does not have to be shitty, like the crappiest worst thing that's ever happened to you. And this is what we get as a frame of reference for shadow work when we step into the spiritual space. Do I think there's something cathartic and releasing about this dark night of the soul? Absolutely. And I think that when you're having spirit move through you, a soul reclamation, when things are changing for you, it can happen like this. It can be a burst of energy or a drastic and dramatic experience. But I also think that if we do shadow work in a more gentle and ongoing way, we can ease the experience of these dark nights of the soul. We can still have big changes and transitions without them having to be so violent or explosive.
I would love to take a look at what shadow work is actually about. There's a keyword here, shadow work is being willing to look at things that aren't working. Willing to look at things that no longer serve us, things that have brought us pain. These can be early childhood experiences or something that happened last week. Being willing to look at the things that have hurt us and the ways we have hurt ourselves and others. Being able to examine and come to terms with the role we have played in our own pain and others' pain. Being willing to look at maladaptive habits or patterns, things that are not good for us. The keyword is willingness, there's bravery required for shadow work, being willing to look. I think these dark nights of the soul happen because we've turned our backs and haven't been willing to look, to be brave and do the work.
And so, it just creeps up on us and explodes, right? It pours out of us. That's why we have that kind of violent experience, that purging experience where it overshadows us. It's because we're not actually looking it in the face. We're not being brave enough to examine what's actually happening.
When we are willing to look, explore, and examine, we gain so much wisdom and insight. We are able to potentially make changes to these patterns. Not always though, and we'll talk about that next week. But by doing this exploration and being willing to look and face the stuff, we open ourselves up for change. Sometimes that change is just awareness, and that's awesome. Awareness is amazing. Being conscious of how something is happening for you, to you, or because of you is change itself. So shining light on something, being willing to look, even at the painful parts. Shadow work is not always fun, but it doesn't have to be shitty or downright ruin your life.
We can do it periodically and on a regular basis in a safe, healthy, and gentle way, so that we can look at what's happening and take ownership of it. That's another piece—willingness to look, bravery, and ownership. When we don't do shadow work, it builds up and has to go somewhere. It has to explode, like the dark night of the soul. But when we're not willing to look and become aware, we stay stagnant. Why do I keep attracting the same type of romantic partner? Because I haven't done my shadow work, haven't understood why that pattern is repeating, why I am bringing it back around, and why that person is attractive to me.
So we stay stuck in a repetitive cycle that doesn't help or serve us or anyone else. We continue to hurt ourselves and have interactions with family members, romantic partners, or even self-sabotage. We keep hurting ourselves and others because we haven't done the inner work to figure out why these patterns show up repeatedly. Why am I always worried about money? Why am I self-sabotaging? Why am I continuing to hurt myself and others? Shadow work involves realizing not only how we cause pain to ourselves but taking responsibility for the pain we cause others.
Without shadow work, we keep making the same choices, even if they appear different on the surface. We need to deconstruct those choices, rewild from them. If we don't do shadow work, we continue to make choices that do not serve us. When we do the shadow work, we signal to the universe that we're ready for change, even just by being willing to look at it and bring it into our awareness.
By purging and choosing to remove what no longer serves us, we create a vacuum. The universe doesn't like a vacuum, it expands. So we make room for something good to come in. Something good can't come in until we let go of the something bad. Doing shadow work opens us up for profound change. It takes bravery to look, become aware, and even more bravery to get rid of it or change it. And it takes even more bravery to allow the good to come in.
Shadow work brings profound change in our self-love dynamics—how we treat ourselves, what choices we make, and how we care for ourselves. It also affects our relationship dynamics—how we treat others and how we pour into romantic, familial, and friendship connections.
Doesn't matter what type of relationship, shadow work can show up in all of these relationships and with our relationship with ourselves. So when we do it, when we look, when we are brave, we can change these self-love dynamics and relationship dynamics.
Now we know why shadow work is essential. We know what it means, why it's important, what happens if we don't do it, and what happens when we do. But how do we do it in a way that it doesn't have to be so shitty? How do we do it so we're not snot crying on the bathroom floor?
The first thing we do is incorporate it into our regular practice. This doesn't mean becoming obsessed with it, but finding a frequency that works for you. For example, if you have a menstrual cycle, you can do shadow work during your luteal phase and use blood rituals as a way to release and purge. If you don't have a menstrual cycle, you can align it with the moon phases, like the Full Moon for release and shedding. If monthly feels too frequent, you can do it seasonally. The key is to do it regularly so you can avoid those violent dark nights of the soul.
Be gentle with yourself. It doesn't have to be scary or confrontational. Journaling can be a gentle way to bring awareness to what's not serving you. Take it slowly. You don't have to tackle everything at once. Focus on one thing at a time. And remember, this doesn't have to consume your whole life.
Lastly, do shadow work in sisterhood, in a supportive circle or community. Having someone to call or talk to is important. If you don't have a village, you can join Rooted and participate in the collective. You can also join the upcoming wisdom event in August called Womb Work, where we'll work with three feminine archetypes and incorporate embodiment practices. It's an opportunity to do this work together and receive support.
If you're interested, visit rootedfeminine.com/shadow to save your spot. I hope to see you there on August 21st. Thank you for joining me, and I look forward to our next time in Temple Space.
