Episode 11 - Stop Trying To Fix Your Shadow

Are you yearning to unlock the power that builds when you befriend your shadow?

Join us for this week's episode of Rooted Feminine as we explore radical acceptance, wisdom, and transformation. Here’s what we’re discussing:

🕯 Embracing the wisdom of our shadow: Instead of trying to fix or eradicate our shadow, it's beneficial to sit with its wisdom and understand its messages and contributions to our wholeness.

🕯 Radical acceptance and honoring our totality: Recognizing that not everything needs to be fixed, we can accept and honor all aspects of ourselves, even the ones that may not be ideal.

🕯 Awareness, ownership, and reflection: Developing awareness of our patterns and behaviors, taking ownership without blame, and regularly reflecting on our beliefs and patterns are key components of shadow work.

Feel the call to your own shadow work but want to do it within a loving sisterhood? Join us August 21st at 7PM Eastern | 4PM Pacific for a live
shadow season ceremony:

Show Notes:

Sister, welcome to episode 11 of Rooted Feminine. I feel a little emotional today, a little in my feelings. And so this episode about "Stop Trying to Fix Your Shadow" is going to be really appropriate. I think this is a big mistake that a lot of people, especially me included, make when we step onto our spiritual path. We're leaning into our spirituality to fix ourselves, to heal.

We are so broken, we need to be healed. There are things that are wrong with me that I want to fix, right? And we see our spiritual path as the answer to that. But I think that's a mistake. I think instead, it's about bringing awareness to our shadowy side rather than trying to fix it. I think it's more about befriending our shadow, and that's what I want to talk about this week.

What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to have parts of us that we recognize maybe aren't the healthiest or aren't the best? Do they always need to be fixed, or can they be embraced? Can there be a sense of radical acceptance? So I hope you'll go along with me today. Maybe you're in your feels a little bit too.

We can go together. Last week on our episode, I talked a little bit about shadow work, what it is, why it's important, and how it's about being willing to look at places that many people won't explore. If you want help with this, we are having a wisdom event later this month, August 21st, where we'll be doing this together in sisterhood.

On that Monday night, we'll be meeting at 7:00 PM Eastern, 4:00 PM Pacific. There will be a replay, so you can register even if you won't be able to attend live. But if you want that sisterhood community support around shadow work, you definitely want to try and show up and be there live. We are calling this event a Womb Work event because shadow work takes place in the womb space, in that healing watery dark cave.

We will be looking at three archetypes that I recommend working with in your shadow. They can be great guides here. We will be talking about the wisdom that these archetypes provide, the medicine that they bring to our shadow work, as well as doing some embodiment practices. So you will have practices that you can do together with me in circle and also incorporate into your morning routine or wherever you do your practice. They will guide you in the shadow work. This is beginner-friendly, so don't worry if you haven't done a lot of shadow work before. I will guide you as a former psychotherapist, very trauma-informed, and good at holding spaces for shadow work. Even if you're experienced, working with these archetypes can take you as deep as you want. So definitely register and show up. Come hang out with us in circle and work on some shadow work. You can find the registration link at rootedfeminine.com/shadow.

As I mentioned last week, we talked about why it's important to do shadow work. This is essentially an exercise in bravery, willingness, and surrender. When we go to the shadowy places, we don't always know what we will see, and we may not always like what we see. But that doesn't mean we always have to fix it.

There's a strong message of "heal, heal, heal, fix, fix, fix" in the spiritual space. And while there is a time and place for that, not everything we encounter needs to be fixed or healed right away. Maybe eventually we'd like to change something about ourselves, but it doesn't have to be this moment. So approaching shadow work from a mindset of needing to fix everything is a mistake. It denies the parts of ourselves and the experiences that make us unique.

Yes, our traumas have shaped us, but that doesn't mean we're happy about it or that it has served us in any positive way. I'm not suggesting spiritual bypassing or saying that everything is all good. We acknowledge the terrible things that have happened to us. But a big part of shadow work is the examination, understanding, and recognition. We don't always have to act on our awareness or recognition, especially not in the moment.

There may be times when we'd like to shift something eventually, but for now, we can sit with awareness. We can sit with the wisdom we gain from it, putting the pieces together and connecting the dots. Connecting the dots is powerful, wise, and potent. Just because the dots connect doesn't mean the next step is immediate action.

These experiences we've been through, whether they are little or big traumas or learned behaviors, need to be examined and understood.

Things we picked up from our caregivers, things from our childhoods, right? They don't have to be traumas, but they can still be patterns and ways of being that may not serve us, but they are still a part of us. When we want to eradicate them, we're eradicating a part of ourselves. It's more beneficial to sit with the wisdom of those parts, to see if there is a message or medicine.

Of course, some things may be too fresh or triggering. Maybe those aren't where we start. Last episode, I also talked about doing this gently and slowly. So some experiences, patterns, and behaviors may not be the first focus in our shadow work. Let's spend time connecting the dots and listening with our womb spaces, these deep wisdom centers.

Why do we work with the womb space in our shadow work? Learning to listen allows us to explore and befriend instead of fix. This is where we honor ourselves, our totality, and our wholeness, even the things that make us feel ashamed or hurt. We honor their existence and how they contribute to us.

Not everything needs to be fixed. You are beautiful and soulful as you are. Instead, let's focus on radical acceptance. Acknowledge what happened and understand its impact, but that doesn't give us permission to harm others or ourselves. These shadowy pieces provide information and illumination.

There's a difference between changing parts of ourselves that we recognize and want to heal and changing to fit societal expectations or please others. Awareness and recognition are key. Sit in that awareness before rushing to fix it. Another mistake is having awareness but still acting negatively or defensively.

Until we feel the soul calling to let go or shift, awareness and acceptance are crucial. Recognize the pattern, understand why it shows up, and own your choices without shouldering blame. Connect the dots between experiences and behaviors without taking responsibility for what happened to you. Differentiate between maladaptive choices and what happened to us.

Okay, so I want to make that distinction clear. Ownership is not about fault. They're very different. You're not at fault for the shadowy things, but you can see the connection between the shadowy things and the way you carry yourself, conduct yourself, and interact with the world today.

No person is ever going to be perfect. This is not the goal of spiritual work. Western religions like Christianity teach us that we need to change ourselves to become more divine-like and strive for perfection to enter heaven. But the truth is, you are already divine, and heaven is already here on this planet within your body. It's not about trying to become more perfect or divine. You are already divine.

So don't obsess over the shadowy parts, thinking you have to stop, quit, or change things to be more spiritual or perfect. The divine act is sitting with it, listening for the wisdom, and sensing into your body where your divinity resides. We are spiritual beings having human experiences, and that includes our shadow. We don't have to fix or heal every aspect.

It's about awareness, ownership, and acceptance. If there were a linear path, it would be awareness, acceptance, ownership. We can still have great relationships with ourselves and others without needing to change or fix. Being aware of how our shadow shows up is important for healthier, happier relationships.

But not everything needs healing, transmutation, or change, at least not all the time. Your soul will know when it's time to make a shift. Until then, regularly reflect, understand, and become aware of your beliefs and patterns.

I hope this brings you some lightness and helps you feel less overwhelmed by shadow work. Let's stop trying to fix the shadow and instead befriend it. When we're aware of why we make certain choices and act a certain way, that's when we can truly love ourselves in our totality and wholeness, trust ourselves, and take up the space we deserve, knowing that we don't have to be perfect.

Join us for our upcoming event on August 21st if you're ready to bring consciousness, awareness, and intention to your shadow work in a more befriending way. You're welcome to join us for womb work, where we'll explore three energies that support your shadow work, even if you're new to it. We'll work with divine feminine archetypes, understand their energetics, and do practices to embody these energies.

Save your spot by heading over to rootedfeminine.com/shadow. I can't wait to talk with you next week and see you in Temple Space.